Yep, me not dead. Me, still alive! But me feels like this — :chain:

My dad is at his work, 4 hours away from our house, and he promised to bring the computer to a shop to get it fixed as soon as he gets home, which is 3 days from now. Another long wait! But I promise, I will be patient.

Anyway, so today, I am in an internet shop. I am a member of Netopia, so cool, lower internet rate. It’s P50/hr for non-members and P30/hr for members. I can’t complain though, I am in dire need of computer access!

In connection to still being alive, I found out that I won the Amazing Bebot award. Wow! Thanks Sara :thumbsup:

Next “anyway”, so I don’t think he will be coming here very soon. He said he was sick, I don’t know what epidemic he’s caught… LOL! He also said that his money was put on hold at the bank, so I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t think about it too much, or about him, too much coz I don’t want to become crazy. I am crazy as it is, so crazier won’t do me good.

For the past week, I feel somewhat ugly. After staring at myself for too long in the mirror, I realized that my face is now a shape of a watermelon (exaggerating!), my tummy looks like I’m 4 months pregnant, and my arms yells “Brooke Shields!” Yep, me is getting fatter. I’ve never had problems with my self image, but sometimes, it gets to me. No, I don’t want to be thinner because others will compliment me for it, but I want to be thin because I want to be healthy. Maybe I am eating more at this time because it will be that time of month for me. Hormones are acting up again. I need to start excercising again. My metabolism is super slow, you see, so it needs a boost from time to time, specially now.

In two consecutive days, I have been having dreams that are of the same theme. In my dreams, I always have someone with me. A man, who is supposed to be my someone, if you know what I mean. On the first dream, a guy committed a crime and we ran away together so that he won’t get caught. I don’t remember what he did, but he put a swiss knife and some coins on my left pocket. Then, we headed out to the sea, and we were both swimming until we reached an island then we climbed the rocky sides of the mountain. The second dream was a bit similar. This time, I was in the pool and the guy is sitting on one of the sunbathing chairs when someone grabbed him. It seemed to me that the man who grabbed him was asking him to leave me. When he didn’t allow that to happen, the guy tried to drown me three times in the pool. The weird thing was, every time that I was submerged under water, a palm was covering my nose and mouth, allowing me to breathe. After being drowned three times, I realized I have lost my memory. I found myself crying, but the guy was still there, he was comforting me. Then I told him, that every time I remember him, I write it on paper. Weird.

Basically, in both dreams, I am swimming, or in water. According to HyperDictionary.com, swimming means:

Dreaming that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy. Dreaming that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.

while sea means:

Seeing the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and your transition between your unconscious and conscious. It also often represents your emotions. The dream may also be a pun on your understanding and perception of a situation. “I see” or perhaps there is something you need to “see” more clearly. Alternatively, the dream may indicate a need to reassure yourself or offer reassurance to someone.

They both suggest that my dreams are related to my emotions. It’s ironic that I find it true. I feel like I am in the middle of an emotional turmoil. My thoughts of ever getting to school, or if he will find his way here, or if I will ever be successful in fulfilling my goals. I am emotionally stressed. Sigh…

I was supposed to install my new theme, but unfortunately, my computer is still not working, so just make do with my layout for now. You’re not here for the layout, right?

‘Til my next entry… I wonder when… :cry: :cry: :cry:

Toodles! :fairy: